Lovely Louis gets the Chop

Simon Cow has sacked little Louis Walsh from the X Factor. I'm not happy. I wanted to enter this year's competition and thought that Louis would be my ticket in there. I was going to perform my hit Flexy Sexy Man for them, along with my erotic dancin. I thought if I performed my bum wiggle for Louis, I would have a big chance of getting through.... now I'm going to have to focus my dance routine on Simon, who I always thought batted for the other side, but I guess he can't as he was engaged to that Sinitta and is always pictured in lap dancin clubs. Now I might have to do me nipple tassle routine instead (as even poofters like tits), which I ain't so keen on, as last time I practised I got severe lashings round me face and couldn't of the house for two weeks!

That Simon also sacked the lovely Kate Thornton. I really liked her and thought we could have become great friends. I wanted to help her restyle her hair so it weren't the same colour as her face. Poor little Winston Jr's gonna be well upset too, as every time she came on the telly he brought out his Kermit doll. The X Factor just aint gonna be the same again.