Bionic Woman

I heard this morning that Zoe Slater from Eastenders (the one whose mum is also her sister) is now going to be the Bionic Woman!
I am a little bit miffed to say the least. I have spent the last few years fighting crime on me estate. The crime round here was dreadful, someone even stole me shagging rabbit statue from me front garden once, which is a task in itself seeing as it's a window box on the 29th floor. So I decided to become a vigilante, fighting crime at night and setting traps during the day.

I have taken it really seriously, I even have a costume, it’s like that one that duck faced woman from Batman has. I started off with a knitted mohair all in one catsuit, but it weren’t no good, as the crotch went all baggy and it was ever so itchy when I was running around at night. So I now have a permanent hire of an all in one PVC catsuit from me local fancy dress shop. It’s great, it’s really slinky and snug, and me boobs in it look like they did when I was 18.

I even went to a local builders merchants and picked up some suckers, so I can climb up the sides of buildings, though I have found out they are only good on glass buildings and don’t work on brick, which ain’t so good when you’re trying to climb up a tower block in the middle of the night. I have even tried to get some spiderman shooters but no one seems to do them.

I don’t really think it is fair that that girl with the bloody awful hair has been asked to be the next Bionic Woman, it makes me so mad. I have really put my heart into being as good a crime fighter as I can be, it ain’t easy working the streets at night I can tell you. So I am starting a petition to get me cast as the Bionic Woman instead of that Zoe Slater, all she was before was a prossie and a lesbian.